bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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