I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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