I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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