U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
