if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
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