Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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