we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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