Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
