i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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