How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
