I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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