if i can run in heels then i can drive
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
