Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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