Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize