god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
