i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
