I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
