just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
