My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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