woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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