Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
These tits shall not be calmed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
