A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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