Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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