I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
