Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
