you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
