The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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