I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
