and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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