Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
