Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
