i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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