I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
