i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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