Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
