I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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