pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
