he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
