Do vagina's smell?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
