There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
