I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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