I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
