yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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