A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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