9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
