U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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