i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
