you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
