Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
