dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
