At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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