I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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