I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
