Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
