Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
