he puts the penis in happiness.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize