My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
