my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
