this boner is exhausting
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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