My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
