new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize