I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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