i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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