Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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