I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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