The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
