im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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