why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
