I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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