Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am puke
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You pole danced in your parka.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
