I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
