He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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