soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
