WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
