All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
