Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
