i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
