I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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