Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize