I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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