I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
