Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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