I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
